Letting Go Of Control – 3 Ways to Be Free
Could letting go of control be the key to happiness? Possibly, but it does not mean that you let go of control in everything you do. It might be enough to just let go of the need for a specific outcome in whatever you are trying to achieve.
For example, how often do you find yourself frustrated when things don’t go the way you want them to?
Maybe you had plans to go out with your friends but the meeting gets cancelled at the last minute. You are travelling and your flight gets delayed. You get the wrong order at a restaurant.
I bet you can think of many situations like this. Isn’t it frustrating?
It is, but it doesn’t need to be.
Change is the only constant
The way we have learned to live ties our happiness to life going the way we expect it to go. If everything works out perfectly just as we expected, then we are happy. But if life is not going our way, we are not happy.
Doesn’t this quite dramatically narrow down your chances to be happy?
Your expectations hold you back and make you unhappy. Change is the only constant in the universe. Everything changes all the time. Nothing stays the same.
Things may seem similar but they are never the same. Seasons change, people change, you change, life changes. So why would you want to be happy only when things go just as you planned?
3 Tips For Letting Go Of Control
That’s why letting go of control can be so powerful. Don’t try to control the result, just control the process. Life is a journey, not a destination – the fun is in the process, the creation. Don’t attach to results but instead enjoy the process.
I know you’ve heard this a thousand times, but what does it mean? How can you apply this knowledge to your daily life? I have some tips for you to do just that.
1. Let go of your ego and embrace your feelings
It is your conscious mind, your ego, that has wants and needs. Your ego does everything in its power to ensure the survival of your body, that’s why it is so concerned with the results.
If there’s a chance that something you do might result in the demise of your body, your ego is bound to interfere.
But you shouldn’t live your entire life in fear, being talked out of many fun activities by your ego. I’m not saying you should start trying out possibly life-threatening activities like base jumping, but don’t let your rational mind talk you out of everything.
Your ego is only your ego; it is not who you are but rather who you think you are. And it certainly does not have to be in control all the time. Letting go of control means turning off your conscious, rational, mind and doing what feels right. Learn to listen to your feelings and act based on how you feel.
You can get more in tune with your feelings by trying out an easy exercise called “what am I thinking”. Find it here towards the end of the page (exercise 2: choosing your thoughts and feelings).
2. Play with life
Here’s a simple tip: have fun! This ties in with the previous point. Learn to do what feels fun and forget about what you might think of it. Better yet, ignore what others may think of your newfound joys. Just do what feels right.
Denying childlike fun that’s naturally found in you goes against what you intuitively know. You are inclined toward playing and having fun, but somewhere along the way of growing up you have decided that this inclination should be hidden and ignored.
All too often you do not express what is naturally found inside of you. This, as you can guess causes all sorts of negative emotions, like feelings of anxiety and sadness.
Luckily, there’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Just as you can learn any skill, like a new language, juggling, or being grateful, you can practice and learn to be playful and have more fun.
The benefits of being playful
It does not take a degree in psychology to understand that there are benefits to being playful (because it feels fun to play games and be goofy).
Research suggests that playfulness is linked with greater happiness in life. It is also thought to contribute to resilience and healthy ageing.
If you want to let go of control and be happier, try to find amusement, humour, joy and entertainment in your daily life.
When you learn to have fun and play with life, you open the door for the universe, the source, god, whatever you wish to call it, to guide you on your way. Then the results you once were obsessed with (and are now trying to let go of) will be far more amazing than you ever thought possible.
You can read more about bringing fun and games to your life here.
3. Release your expectations and focus on the positive
Do you know what the highest truth is about life and you? It’s all about creation. This is spiritual territory, so think of it what you will, but everything is constantly created anew and nothing stays the same, as we already established.
The source, god, the universe (whatever your name is for it), constantly creates all of life and you create your life.
Therefore the greatest spiritual joy is in the creating, not in the result itself.
So living your life without expectation, without the need to achieve a specific result, is the greatest form of freedom. Letting go of control is Godliness, living the way the universe intended.
But it gets even better!
Letting go of control is freedom
I know this is the millionth time that I use this quote, but it just drives the point through. Letting go of control (the need for a specific result) will free you from fear and anger, allowing you to live happily without stress, worry and anxiety.
” “Not needing” is a great freedom. It frees you, first, from fear: fear that there is something you won’t have; fear that there is something you have that you will lose; and fear that without a certain thing, you won’t be happy.
Secondly, “not needing” frees you from anger. Anger is fear announced. When you have nothing to fear, you have nothing over which to be angry.
You are not angry when you don’t get what you want, because your wanting it was simply a preference, not a necessity. You therefore have no fear associated with the possibility of not getting it. Hence, no anger.”
– Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God Volume II
Reframe your needs as preferences
Free yourself from wanting and needing. Start thinking of wanting or needing simply as preferences. Then adjust the thoughts you think and things you say accordingly. Instead of the words want and need, use the words choose and prefer.
Don’t say “I need this specific outcome”. Say “I prefer this outcome” or “I choose this outcome but I don’t need it”
Remember, if you insist on a specific outcome you rule out all of the other options that might be available to you. If you try to push a door open by force you might miss the door that is open right next to it.
Letting go of control allows other outcomes to manifest themselves in your life. Possibilities that you were not even aware of, some even better than what you originally had in mind. That is the magic in letting go. Start playing with life and enjoying the journey.
Have fun while working towards your goals, but let go of control of the final result. Don’t insist on it, simply state that it’s a preference but be open to something even better.
Conclusion
The way we have learned to live ties our happiness to life going the way we expect it to go.
If everything works out perfectly just as we expected, then we are happy. But if life is not going our way, we are not happy.
Change is the only constant in the universe. Everything changes all the time. Things may seem similar but they are never the same.
Seasons change, people change, you change, life changes. So why would you want to be happy only when things go just as you planned?
That’s why letting go of control can be so powerful. Don’t attach to results but instead enjoy the process.
3 tips for letting go of control
- Let go of your ego and embrace your feelings
- 2. Play with life
- 3. Release your expectations and focus on the positive
Disclaimer
The entire contents of this blog are based upon the opinions of the author. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The information in this blog is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your health care professional before trying any of the products or methods based on this content. I cannot guarantee that you will be free of stress, anxiety or depression, or that you will be happy. I simply want to share with you what I have discovered during my twenty years of seeking happiness and what has worked for me may not work for you.
