How To Let Go Of Fear And Feel Happy (During Hard Times)
Author’s note Dec 17th, 2022: This blog post was originally written during the pandemic in late 2020. Hopefully, we have rid ourselves of the pandemic now, but the message here is timeless and applies to any challenging times in life.
This blog will start out way differently than I thought, would be an understatement at this moment in time. There are very few people that could have predicted how a simple virus would make such a profound impact on our lives and the way we live on this planet.
I, for one, am not one of those people. Bill Gates seems to have had an idea about how something like this could happen. Some pandemic experts probably too. But not me.
I had thought that writing about happiness would be pretty straight forward: tell how I learned to be happy and teach the methods that would allow people to feel happy again. Well, things changed. Now more than ever it is painfully clear how good things were for us already.
Building happiness on a solid foundation of what we already had would have been pretty different than building happiness on the loose foundation that is the ongoing pandemic.
Consequently, I find myself here in the midst of all this thinking about what to make of it.
The Things That (We Thought) Made Us Feel Happy
On one hand, there’s no denying that the toll on human lives and the economy has been massive. All the lives and jobs lost and no real understanding how we will recover definitely does not inspire happiness.
On the other, this could be framed as the perfect moment to look ahead and think about what type of world we want to create out of the ashes of the old one.
A bit dramatically put perhaps, but you get the idea.
The things that used to make us happy, that we once took for granted, like traveling, shopping, parties, cruises, going to nightclubs, eating at restaurants, even meeting friends, were suddenly taken away from us.
Even after the pandemic they certainly will be seen in a new light. Is it okay to travel abroad? How many people will be allowed to meet at the same time?
What do we do now when the things we thought we needed to feel happy are no longer available? Or may not be available in the same way they were before?
It should be obvious that we need a new way to look at life and our happiness. It would seem that happiness must, and can be, found elsewhere.
Not outside of us, but inside of us.
Stay-At-Home Happiness
If you have been one us who’s had to stay at home either voluntarily or involuntarily, you might have noticed how little you actually need to survive let alone be happy. I bet you have experienced brief moments of happiness even with the walls caving in and the insanity creeping on you after long period of isolation.
Think about this for a while, I’m sure you can remember a moment when you were happy in the middle of the chaos.
So then, if you have experienced feelings of happiness despite everything that’s going on in the world, doesn’t that mean that happiness can be something that’s not bound to circumstances around you?
All of your life you have been taught that happiness is something that follows from getting something. Going on that holiday trip, buying new clothes, getting that new job you thought you wanted and so on. Yet, during the time you were denied all of those experiences, you still found out that you could feel happy.
Happiness Does Not Depend On The Things Around You
You might have figured out, that happiness is not dependent on the circumstances around you.
Incidentally, this is one of the main messages I want to convey with this blog and website. Talk about a coincidence. Here I am, trying to start a blog about happiness and wondering where to begin. At the same time the world is struck by a pandemic that forces people around the globe to realize for themselves the same point I wanted to make.
Well, it looks like my job here is done.
I’m only joking of course, we’re just getting started. Even though we might have realized that happiness does not depend on getting something we thought we wanted, it does not mean that we should or could put aside all material things in our lives and give up everything we used to do. Quite the contrary.
Moving forward we should experience the things we used to enjoy with unprecedented gratitude. Not taking even the simplest of life’s pleasures for granted anymore. Maybe even do things that we dared not dream of doing before now that we realize that the opportunity to do them might not be around all the time.
And even if you have been fortunate enough to find yourself experiencing brief moments of happiness during all that’s going on, wouldn’t you like to be happy more often?
What if happiness could be a constant, natural, state of being for you instead of something you experience only briefly?
It should be.
How To Feel Happy Again?
Instead of submitting to fear and depression, let us use the current event as an opportunity to create ourselves anew.
Let’s build on the good things that the pandemic reminded us we’re capable of: caring for each other, solidarity, compassion. We even found fun things amongst all that was going on to lift our spirits: singing on the balconies, making memes, laughing at our own privileged lifestyle that made us worry about running out of toilet paper.
Let us use this as an opportunity to learn, that even though the circumstances around us may never be fully under our control, we can always choose how to feel about them.
Remember, happiness is a choice.
That being said,
If you find yourself increasingly stressed and worried, I don’t blame you. At this point we are all extremely tired of the whole darn thing.
Managing stress and negative emotions is now more important than ever, so here are three tools to help you cope with stress and worry
3 Tools To Help You Relieve Stress
- The tapping solution. The most effective, fast, easy to use tool that has helped me lower stress in the most difficult of times. You can learn it in minutes, do it in minutes and it works instantly. Best of all, it’s free.
- Meditation. Meditation can have many benefits, one of which is calming our mind. Take a look at meditation and see if it works for you. If you already practice meditation, check out my simple happiness meditation and try applying it to your routine.
- Exercise. Any form of exercise, from yoga to lifting weights, can help you relieve stress. Exercise releases endorfins, the feel good hormones of your body, thus improving your mood and reducing stress.
Afterthought
I know the pandemic is a touchy subject and when I wrote the first draft of this blog post all the way back in late 2020, it seemed like the worst was over. Little did I know. This post is not about the right or wrong approach to dealing with the pandemic on an individual level or as a nation. This post is about using the pandemic (or any hard times) as a framework for personal growth.
Although it is within our control to decide whether we are happy regardless of the circumstances around us, we are ultimately social beings that need connection to other people. We cannot live in isolation forever.
After all, what fun would it even be to be the happiest you’ve ever been but living all by yourself in isolation?
A huge part of being happy is sharing our experiences with others. If you’ve had a lucky strike, don’t you want to instantly tell someone else about it? Sharing your good fortune boosts your feeling of happiness even more.
If you’re feeling down, doesn’t it help to talk to your best friend? And I do mean in person. Phones are good and all, but they are no substitute to meeting face to face.
Personal Connection Is A Mood Booster
Harvard did a study on adult development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness. Based on what you just read in the previous paragraph, can you guess what they found in the study?
Indeed, The Harvard study found a strong association between happiness and close relationships. Close relationships being family, spouses, friends, and social circles. The project’s director, Dr. Robert Waldinger, states: “Personal connection creates mental and emotional stimulation, which are automatic mood boosters, while isolation is a mood buster”.
Even though, in the case of the pandemic, voluntary isolation might be beneficial for your health and an opportunity to study, meditate and reflect on your beliefs, long-term (‘strongly encouraged’ or strictly involuntary) isolation is in fact one of the worst things we can do to ourselves.
Think about the fact, that in prison one of the worst forms of punishment is solitary confinement. Admittedly the conditions in a prison cell are a bit different than in your own home, but still.
I am not taking a stand on whether isolation is a necessary means of preventing a virus from spreading or not, I am simply making an observation here.
Use The Time On Your Hands To Your Advantage
In any case, the point I’m trying to make here is: please, please take care of your mental health. Call your friends, meet them whenever you can, make sure no-one gets left alone.
If you’ve read my bio, you know that I am on a mission for better mental health. It is a subject very near and dear to me, and one of the main things I try to accomplish with this blog, is to help people feel better about themselves and their lives.
There are resources on this website that I hope you will find helpful, now more than ever.
If you are still in a situation with lots of alone-time on your hands, consider using it to reflect on your life. Read, write, think, meditate. Set amazing goals for yourself. Visualize your ideal life. Work on changing your non-beneficial beliefs.
Let’s not let fear get the best of us. We will get through this together.
Conclusion
You may have noticed, that you can be happy in spite of being denied all the things you thought you needed in order to feel happy.
Use whatever circumstances around you to reframe your thoughts about what it means to be happy.
Take advantage of the time on your hands for learning new things and transforming your life. Challenge your mind: Read, write, listen to podcasts. Meditate, visualize and set goals.
Take care of your mental well-being. Try things that lower stress, like the tapping solution and meditation. Remember to exercise, even if it’s just a little walk, as it is good for both your physical and mental health.
We need social connections to boost our mood. Stay connected with your friends (in person) as much as possible.
Disclaimer
The entire contents of this blog are based upon the opinions of the author. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The information in this blog is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your health care professional before trying any of the products or methods based on this content. I cannot guarantee that you will be free of stress, anxiety or depression, or that you will be happy. I simply want to share with you what I have discovered during my twenty years of seeking happiness and what has worked for me may not work for you.
