How to Deal With Emotions in a Healthy Way
Knowing how to deal with emotions is important, although “dealing with emotions” may not be your best course of action. It is far more beneficial to use your emotions the way they are intended:
Signals that help us navigate life.
Emotions are natural responses to events in our lives. They can be positive or negative; we all experience them differently and at different times.
Emotions act as a “compass” integrated into our bodies. This “compass” is meant to tell us what to strive for and what to steer clear from.
Every emotion, positive or negative, is meant to help us, not harm us. But we don’t understand our emotions let alone know how to deal with them. We never learn how. So we try to ignore or repress them instead.
As you probably know, this can lead to all sorts of problems. If not dealt with, emotions can “pile up” and take on harmful forms such as depression, rage, and jealousy. But when you have a healthy approach to emotions, they become an invaluable tool to help you live a happy and successful life.
In this article, we will take a look at the five natural human emotions, how they work, and how to deal with them healthily.
What are emotions?
Emotions are complex physiological and psychological reactions to a stimulus or event, which are usually experienced involuntarily and instinctively.
They are fundamental to our human experience and integral to how we interact with the world around us.
Emotions often involve physical responses such as changes in heart rate, breathing, and hormonal levels. Emotions can also vary in intensity and can be positive or negative in nature, ranging from love and happiness to fear and anger and all the shades in between.
They can be brief or they can persist for longer periods of time. For example, emotions such as anger or fear may be felt very intensely, but they typically dissipate within minutes or an hour, as the body’s stress response system returns to baseline levels.
On the other hand, emotions such as grief or depression may persist for longer periods of time and may even require treatment and support to manage. Knowing how to deal with emotions will help you live a happier, healthier life.
Key aspects of emotions
There are two key concepts here:
1. Emotions are natural: They are natural responses to events in your life.
2. Emotions are personal: They are not about others, they reveal how you truly feel inside.
Emotions are your reaction to events in your life. They always reveal something about you, and the proper course of action is to seek to understand the cause.
The first thing to do is to allow the emotion to happen. Feel it and express it. Don’t ignore it or repress it.
When you allow yourself to feel the emotion fully, you will see that it passes. After the emotion has been expressed, turn within and seek the cause. Why did you feel this way? What is the cause?
For example, if something makes you angry, seek to understand why did you get angry? Often the “feeling behind the feeling” is fear. You might fear that there is something you cannot have, without which you can’t be happy. Hence you get angry.
Maybe you already get the basic idea of how to deal with emotions: Don’t deal with them, accept and express them.
Emotions are very natural and meant to help us in difficult situations, but we tend to treat them as inconveniences or distractions.
Emotions are messengers
When confronted with difficult emotions like anxiety, grief, anger, or loneliness, our first reaction is to turn them off.
The funny thing is, that we avoid positive emotions too. When we feel joy, our rational mind kicks in and tells us to “stop grinning like an idiot” or “calm down, you’ll make yourself look like a fool”. We might even focus on how we will feel when the joy goes away. We rarely open up to happiness at all.
But emotions are merely messengers, and they deserve to be heard. They contain important lessons. They might even show us opportunities or ways to take action.
So emotions tell you how you instinctively feel about a situation. But is an emotion the same thing as a feeling?
Emotions or feelings?
Emotions and feelings are words that are often used interchangeably. I know I do it all the time.
And most of the time, it does not matter whether you refer to your innermost thoughts and sensations as emotions or feelings: You get what’s going on no matter which word is used.
That being said, “officially” emotions and feelings are related but refer to different aspects of our subjective experiences.
Emotions automatic responses to a stimulus or event that are experienced both physiologically (in your body) and psychologically (in your mind). Emotions can be triggered by a variety of stimuli, such as external events, internal thoughts or memories, or even bodily sensations.
Feelings are interpretations of emotions
Feelings are subjective conscious experiences that arise from the interpretation and perception of emotions. Unlike emotions, feelings are subjective and can be influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, and past experiences.
Feelings are usually less intense than emotions and can last longer. For example, the event of losing someone dear to triggers the emotion of grief. This emotion can cause you to experience a range of feelings such as sadness, melancholy, despair, or hopelessness.
Feelings can be complex and may involve a range of emotions or emotional states. Feelings can also be influenced by social and cultural factors, such as norms and values.
Emotions and moods
Then what about the difference between emotions and moods?
It could be generalized, that moods are a facilitator of emotions and feelings.
For example, someone who is in a sad mood may be inclined to have emotions of sadness or anger. They may feel a lack of energy and be irritable, even if there is no specific event or trigger directly causing those feelings.
Moods are affective states that are less specific and more general than emotions. They are typically longer-lasting than emotions and can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as sleep, diet, and stress.
Moods can also be influenced by cognitive factors, such as beliefs and attitudes, and can have a significant impact on our thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being.
Moods are more general than emotions
Like emotions, moods can be positive or negative in nature and can range from elation and contentment to sadness and despair – and everything in between.
Unlike emotions, which are usually tied to specific events or stimuli, moods are often experienced as a more diffuse and pervasive feeling.
Similarities between moods and emotions:
- Affective states that can be experienced consciously or unconsciously.
- Can be triggered by internal or external factors.
- Can have a significant impact on our mental and physical well-being.
Differences between moods and emotions:
- Emotions are more specific and discrete, while moods are more general and diffuse.
- Emotions are typically accompanied by physical responses, while moods are often experienced primarily as a mental state.
Are emotions contagious?
Yes, emotions are contagious.
Do I even have to bring up any evidence of this? I bet you have experienced this “emotional contagion” yourself.
For example, if one of your family members is feeling anxious or stressed, their emotional state can be picked up by others in the family, leading them to also feel anxious or stressed.
And vice versa, if someone is feeling happy or enthusiastic, their positive emotional state can also be contagious, leading others to feel happier and more positive as well.
Indeed, research has shown that people can “catch” or be influenced by the emotions of others through a process called emotional contagion. This contagion can happen consciously or unconsciously and can occur through a variety of channels, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.
Emotions spread through social networks
Especially unconsciously, we are extremely talented at interpreting other people’s emotions.
Perhaps for that reason, emotional contagion has a wider reach than just the people we spend time with the most.
Research by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler suggests that the totality of your social network can affect your happiness. This includes the network on your social media accounts as well.
Emotions spread through social networks (seemingly just as much in social media as in real life) like a virus, up to three degrees of separation. You can be infected with the emotions of someone you’ve never even met, and vice versa.
Therefore, your happiness can be related to the happiness of your friends, their friends’ friends, and their friends’ friends’ friends—that is, to people well beyond your “social horizon”.
Children learn the meaning of emotions from adults
The good news is, that positive people are often at the center of their social networks, so if you have a positive attitude, you are more likely to be the spreader and receiver of happiness, rather than one who is affected more randomly by people in the network.
If you wish to develop a more positive mindset, you can find a definitive guide here: Focus on the positive: 8 effective methods for turning negative thoughts into positive.
Last but not least, children are most susceptible to emotional contagion. In fact, children learn the meaning of emotions and how to deal with them from their parents.
With all the anger, anxiety, and depression out there, it’s critical to teach children how to deal with emotions in a healthy way.
Having the tools to deal with difficult emotions will be a powerful protective factor against anxiety and depression.
Fear not, the tools will be covered in this article.
How many emotions are there?
But first, let’s look at the most fundamental human emotions. It will be essential to understand what they are, and what they are for, to be dealt with effectively.
I’m basing this on the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who is best known for the five stages of grief. Through her work in taking care of the terminally ill, she also understood that the two motivating emotions behind every other human emotion are love and fear.
That concept is further expanded based on the teachings of Neale Donald Walsch, who through his spiritual revelations explains three more emotions and their function.
Please note that there are infinite shades of emotions between the two polar opposites; love and fear.
As such, the number of emotions is a subject of ongoing debate among psychologists and researchers, and there is no consensus on a specific number.
Scientists have identified at least 27 different emotional states, and some suggest there can be as many as 34 000.
Use this information as a framework
Some researchers suggest that there are a small number of basic emotions, such as happiness, sadness, fear, anger, and surprise, while others propose a larger number of more complex emotions, such as envy, shame, and guilt.
Additionally, cultural and contextual factors can also influence the categorization and interpretation of emotions.
And one final thing before we move on to the emotions:
What is described here is not so much objective science, but a framework that you can implement in your daily life.
Remember, we are very keen on turning off our minds and accepting the truths of others. The more beneficial thing to do is to read this, think about this, and use this framework complemented by your own experience.
The 5 human emotions
Ultimately, human emotions can be narrowed down to only two:
Love and fear.
Those are the two “sponsoring emotions” behind every other emotion.
You are thinking, speaking, and doing things either out of love or out of fear. But these can be further expanded to the 5 natural emotions:
1. Grief
Grief is a complex and intense emotion that is typically experienced in response to the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or other major events that involve separation or change.
Grief can also be experienced due to the loss of material possessions, big and small, such as losing your wallet, phone, car, or house, to dropping your sandwich on the floor.
Grief can manifest in many different ways, including feelings of sadness, guilt, confusion, or despair.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five distinct stages of the grieving process:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
However, the grieving process is highly individual and can vary widely from person to person.
Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is there to help you let go when you can’t otherwise. Grief pushes out the sadness within you when you experience any kind of loss: The loss of a dear person or the loss of material possessions.
How to deal with grief
If you allow yourself to express your grief, it will go away. If you have learned to express grief naturally, you can move through sadness quickly.
If you have learned to repress your grief and not cry, your grief can grow into depression.
Still, grief can be a very challenging emotion to manage and may require support and guidance from others.
Seeking the help of a mental health professional, joining a support group, or talking to friends and family can be helpful in coping with grief and finding ways to navigate the grieving process.
It can take time to heal and recover from the emotional pain and sadness associated with grief. But with support and care, it is possible to move forward and find new ways to cope and adapt to life after loss.
2. Anger
Anger is an emotion that is typically characterized by feelings of irritation, frustration, and antagonism, and is often accompanied by physiological responses such as increased heart rate and blood pressure.
Anger can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as perceived threats, injustice, or frustration with a situation or person.
Anger is very natural. It is there to help you say “no” when you’ve had enough.
However, unchecked or uncontrolled anger can lead to negative consequences, such as conflict, aggression, and damaged relationships.
How to deal with anger
Anger does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another.
Those who have learned to express their anger, have a very healthy attitude about it. Therefore, they usually let go of their anger very quickly.
Those who learned as children, that feeling anger is not okay, and that it is wrong to express it, will have a difficult time dealing with their anger later in their lives.
Anger that is continually repressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion, and can cause all sorts of mental health problems.
Consequently, anger can be a symptom of underlying mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders.
For individuals who struggle with chronic or intense anger, seeking professional help from a mental health provider can be a helpful step toward managing and addressing this emotion.
3. Envy
Envy is an emotion that is typically characterized by feelings of resentment or discontent towards others who possess something that one desires, such as material possessions, status, or achievements.
But envy is a natural emotion. Its original function is to make you want to try again and try harder until you succeed.
Envy can motivate individuals to work harder, improve themselves, and strive for greater success.
It can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as social comparisons, perceived unfairness, or feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.
How to deal with envy
Express it, and use it to motivate you.
If envy is continually repressed, it becomes jealousy, a very unhealthy emotion.
Jealousy can lead to negative consequences, such as resentment, bitterness, and damaged relationships. And just as the other emotions, when continually repressed, jealousy can cause mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders.
For individuals who struggle with chronic or intense envy, seeking professional help from a mental health provider can be a helpful step toward managing and addressing this emotion.
Additionally, practicing gratitude and focusing on one’s own accomplishments and strengths can be helpful in mitigating feelings of envy.
4. Fear
Fear is an emotion that is typically characterized by feelings of apprehension, anxiety, and heightened arousal in response to a perceived threat or danger.
Fear can be triggered by a variety of stimuli, such as physical threats, social rejection, or anticipated negative outcomes.
Fear is a very useful and natural emotion. We are all born with two inbuilt fears:
- the fear of falling
- the fear of loud noises
These fears are beneficial for the survival of the body and so, fear is really an outgrowth of love. Love of Self.
Therefore, be not afraid of fear. It will help you navigate difficult situations and help you respond quickly and effectively to potential danger.
How to deal with fear
Be aware, that as we grow up, fear becomes a more complex emotion.
It becomes apparent, that many of the fears we hold are learned responses. These fears are brought by our environment and taught to us by our parents.
Fear can become problematic when continually repressed, or when it is excessive or inappropriate in relation to the actual level of threat.
Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion.
For individuals who struggle with chronic or intense fear, seeking professional help from a mental health provider can be a helpful step toward managing and addressing this emotion.
Additionally, practicing relaxation techniques, cognitive restructuring, and exposure therapy can be effective in reducing fear and anxiety.
5. Love
Love is a complex and multifaceted, but very natural, emotion that has been studied extensively by psychologists and researchers, and has been found to have a significant impact on mental health, physical health, and overall well-being.
Love is an emotion that is typically characterized by feelings of warmth, affection, and attachment toward others, and is often associated with behaviors such as nurturing, caring, and self-sacrifice.
Love can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as physical attraction, shared experiences, and emotional intimacy.
But ultimately, love is all there is.
It is woven into the very fabric of our existence and encompasses all.
When love is allowed to be expressed, and received freely, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more.
Love brings people closer together, fosters intimacy and connection, and promotes feelings of happiness and well-being.
How to deal with love
It’s said that love makes you blind, but that’s not true. Love makes you stupid.
Ok, ok, all jokes aside, there are ways in which love was never meant to be expressed.
Love that has been conditioned, warped by rules, regulations, and rituals, or controlled and withheld, becomes very unnatural.
Unrequited love, loss of love, and other negative experiences associated with love can lead to feelings of sadness, grief, and despair.
As with all other emotions, seeking professional help from a qualified mental health provider can be a helpful first step toward managing and addressing possessiveness.
And love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness, a very unnatural emotion.
Love is meant to be expressed without any limitations, and without expecting anything in return.
Love gives all and requires nothing.
How to Control Negative Emotions
Developing resilience and having a set of healthy coping skills at your disposal will go a long way in dealing with negative emotions.
But the most important point here is:
Do not try to ignore or repress your negative emotions. Allow yourself to feel the emotion fully, but in such a way that the emotion and your reaction to it are not directed towards another person.
So controlling negative emotions is not beneficial. Dealing with them in a healthy way is, and it all starts with letting go of control and expressing the emotion.
After that, there are many strategies you can use to deal with your emotions. There are ways to decrease negative emotions and increase positive emotions.
It’s called emotion regulation.
How to Deal With Emotions: Emotion regulation strategies
Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today (August 22nd, 2022) about emotion regulation strategies:
Some of the most well-known, effective emotion regulation strategies are:
- Reappraisal: Reframing a negative experience in a more positive light.
- Acceptance: Letting our negative emotions be just as they are, is, ironically, a fairly effective strategy for reducing them.
- Savoring: Noticing and holding onto positive emotions.
Ineffective emotion regulation strategies:
- Suppression: Not expressing your emotions on your face or in words.
- Experiential Avoidance: Often this involves engaging in unhealthy behaviors like drug use, alcohol use, over-eating, and under-eating, but it can also include things like “retail therapy” or other avoidance strategies.
- Rumination: Replaying negative thoughts in your mind over and over again.
Again, emotion regulation does not mean ignoring how you feel.
If you get angry but try to force yourself to accept the situation, you might unintentionally repress your anger. You already know this is not helpful in any way.
Start with acceptance. Let the emotion be and express it the way it “wants” to be expressed. You will notice that when you allow emotions to be expressed, they will pass quite quickly. After the emotion has passed, you can move on to reappraisal or other strategies.
5 strategies for dealing with difficult emotions
How to deal with emotions? Take a look at these 5 strategies that have been found helpful in managing and coping with difficult emotions.
1. Acknowledge and identify the emotion
Acknowledge and identify what you are feeling. This can help you gain greater insight into your thoughts and behaviors, and provide a starting point for developing effective coping strategies.
Try to remind yourself that emotions are temporary. No matter what we do, emotions come and go, flowing through us constantly.
Difficult emotions can contain important lessons, just as positive emotions can be beautiful rewards. Allow emotions to be expressed. Contemplate the message they deliver. Make your next decisions based on this new awareness. This allows your emotions to serve their proper role.
2. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves being present and fully engaged in the moment, without judgment or distraction. Mindfulness can help you observe your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them, and can provide a sense of calm and grounding during times of stress or distress.
When you are mindfully focusing on the present moment, you can hear what the emotion is trying to convey.
Remember, emotions will always reveal something about yourself. It’s not about others, it’s about how and why you feel the way you do.
For some, getting a piece of paper and writing down whatever the emotion brings to mind might be helpful.
Some might benefit from drawing, dancing, playing an instrument, etc. These are all ways to express emotions and transform their message into a more concrete form.
3. Use coping skills
Coping skills such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualization, can help you manage and reduce difficult emotions.
Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and self-care, such as exercise, yoga, or meditation can also be helpful in managing difficult emotions.
What aren’t good coping skills:
- overeating
- drinking too much alcohol
- smoking cigarettes
- using drugs
4. Seek support
Talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional can provide emotional support and guidance in dealing with difficult emotions.
Joining a support group or seeking out online resources can also be helpful in finding others who are experiencing similar emotions and challenges.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and empathy, and can help reduce feelings of shame, guilt, or self-blame associated with difficult emotions.
Practicing self-compassion involves recognizing that difficult emotions are a normal part of the human experience, and treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend or loved one.
Conclusion
Emotions are natural responses to events in our lives. They can be positive or negative and we all experience them differently and at different times.
Emotions are signals that help us deal with difficult situations. They are meant to be expressed, not repressed.
There are 5 human emotions:
- Grief
- Anger
- Envy
- Fear
- Love
Use your emotions the way they are intended: As signals that help us navigate life.
Every emotion, positive or negative, is meant to help us, not harm us. When you have a healthy approach to emotions, they become invaluable tools to help you live a happy and successful life.
Disclaimer
The entire contents of this blog are based upon the opinions of the author. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The information in this blog is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your health care professional before trying any of the products or methods based on this content. I cannot guarantee that you will be free of stress, anxiety or depression, or that you will be happy. I simply want to share with you what I have discovered during my twenty years of seeking happiness and what has worked for me may not work for you.
