The Most Important Question To Ask Yourself
Regarding your life, what’s the most important question to ask yourself?
For personal growth purposes and for achieving your goals in life, the most important question to ask yourself is:
“Is this working?”
Ok, I’m not going to argue whether this really is the most important, but I’d say it’s definitely in the top 3 most important questions.
Other good contenders might be “what would love do?” and “How can everyone involved win?”.
But today we are going to focus on “Is this working?”.
It is a simple but amazingly powerful tool for guiding yourself towards the best version of yourself that you can imagine.
Why Is this important?
There’s a short story associated with this question so let’s start with it.
I’ve been practicing intermittent fasting for six months now. It is a practice where you eat all of your meals in a day during a 6 to 8 hour window, for example skipping breakfast, eating lunch at 11.00 and dinner at 18.00.
The rest of the day is dedicated to fasting. This is a powerful practice that brings along with it many health benefits, including but not limited to burning fat. It can also boost your energy levels and force your body to recycle dead cells and repair damaged tissue.
I have my practice nailed down to 8 hours of “feasting” (eating clean and healthy of course) and 16 hours of fasting.
This seems to work pretty well. But I know that I am but a beginner and there’s still much to learn.
That’s why I constantly seek new information about intermittent fasting on the internet. I read studies and watch YouTube videos.
Who knows what's right?
There are many experts on YouTube who seem to have the latest information and back their claims with science.
What I often find though, is that even with all the science and personal experience that these experts have, the information that they provide is often contradictory.
For example one might point to studies that claim the most health benefits are achievable if you only fast for a couple of days a week and the fasts are long. Another might claim that the most beneficial way to fast is to do it everyday.
And as is the custom in the world of the internet, people argue in the comments which is the right way to practice intermittent fasting.
Now there are two things that I have learned from all of this:
1. There is no universal right or wrong.
We are all unique and there is no one size fits all strategy. Yet we have an inbuilt need to be right, or even more so prove the others wrong. It brings satisfaction to your ego to prove another person wrong, but growth-wise it will lead nowhere.
Which brings us to the topic of today’s post:
The most important question to ask yourself
2. Is this working (FOR ME?)
This is the only thing that matters and the most important question to ask yourself.
Not who is “right” or who is “wrong”, but trying things out for yourself and figuring out what works for you.
I’ll repeat what I stated in the first point: We are all unique and there is no one size fits all strategy.
I’ve tried different strategies with intermittent fasting and the one that brings me the results I am after is 16-8, with a feeding window from 11 am to 7 pm. Unless someone can without a shadow of a doubt prove that this is non-beneficial for my health, I don’t care what anyone says.
Consequently this is what my favorite intermittent fasting experts also say.
Is this working?
That was my short story about intermittent fasting.
The point of it was: Only you know what works for you, so start applying that to your everyday life.
It’s all about asking yourself: Is this working?
The context here is: In relation to what you say you want to achieve, is it working what you are now doing?
For example: You say you want to lose weight, but you don’t go to the gym and eat whatever you feel like. In relation to your weight loss goals, is it working?
Another example: You say you are fed up with your job and find it exhausting and meaningless. Yet you do not do anything to change that. You don’t apply for new jobs or look for opportunities to start your own business.
You grind your way through the days complaining about your job. Is it working? In relation to your goals in your professional life, is your daily grind working?
Only you know what's best for you
The other important aspect of this whole topic is: Why should you listen to anyone else?
I know this feels like a counterproductive thing to say, but it’s an important point. You are the only one who knows you. Not even your loved ones, or those otherwise closest to you, know you as thoroughly as you know yourself.
We all have a unique perspective to this thing we call life and it sometimes gets my brain into a knot when I try to think about how anyone else might perceive the world.
It’s impossible to get into another persons head and see what they see, think what they think or feel what they feel.
The only thing you can know for sure is that you are conscious. You perceive the world (live your life) through your senses, thoughts and feelings.
Don’t trust anyone else or allow them to tell you what you should do. Seek to know yourself inside out and you can determine what’s best for you.
How To Apply The Question To Your Life?
With these things in mind, you can apply the “Is this working?” Question to your life.
In any area of your life, do the following:
- Get clear on your goals. What do you want your life to look like? You can read more about goal setting here
- Assess your current situation. Write down what you are doing now in each of the areas where you have goals.
- Reflect your current situations vs. Your goals and ask yourself: Is this working? Is what I am doing now getting me any closer to my goals?
If the answer is yes, keep doing what you’re doing.
If the answer is no, change what you are doing.
Pretty simple right?
It is simple, in theory. Of course there’s the matter of actually changing what you are doing in practice.
That’s where things like working on your beliefs and visualization will come in handy. Change your idea about yourself first, then you will subconsciously guide yourself towards your goals. This happens almost effortlessly if done right.
There are things you can do to help you with the process.
1. Journal
I suggest you do this every day for 21 days. That’s how long it usually takes to form a new habit. But journaling just one or two times a week will help too.
Try this (see picture below):
- Write down your goals.
- Next to your goals write down the steps you took today towards your goals.
- At the end of the week, look at your goals and daily actions.
- Next to the steps you took, write down the answer to the question “is this working?”. Yes or no.
- If you wrote down yes, think of a way to do more of the things that work.
- If you answered no, write down how you plan to change things.
Now please remember that this is only a suggestion and the journaling process may differ depending on your goals.
If you start a new workout at the gym to try and build muscle mass, then changing that program every week is not helpful. Stick to your training for 3 months, then ask yourself “is this working?”.
But you can reflect on your actions every day.
Tips For Journaling
If you plan to go to the gym 5 times a week, but one day decide to not go and have some beers at the bar with your friends instead, you may want to ask yourself “in relation to what I say I want to be, lean and strong, is going to the bar instead of the gym working?”.
The answer is probably no, but don’t beat yourself over it.
Forgive yourself, because it’s so important to wind down and hang out with friends every once in a while. Then pick yourself up the next day and continue working towards your goal.
As you can tell by the example above, it’s not all black and white. The point is to learn to ask yourself the question and reflect on your choices. Don’t get too stuck into the nitty-gritty details.
The Point Is To Make It A Habit
I know it can be bothersome to write things down everyday, but it will help you form a habit out of reflecting on your goals and what you are doing to reach them.
When you are accustomed to asking yourself “is this working?” Every day, then you can drop the journaling altogether.
I don’t use a journal for this anymore, I only contemplate my current situation vs. my goals in my mind every night (but I do keep a journal of my dreams and daily insights).
The point is to make it a habit, so journalling in any way will help.
2. Set Reminders
This is an easy but effective practice for learning to think in a new way. Write down the question “is this working?” On everything. Use post-it notes, reminders on your cell phone, water soluble markers on mirrors, magnets on the fridge, events in your calendar etc.
Everywhere you go, make sure you see the question. That way you will be reminded to adjust your thoughts and actions throughout the day.
It may seem silly, but if you want to change your life, you first have to change your habits. Your habits will change by changing your thinking.
Try it! If you don’t want to smear markers or lipstick all over your bathroom mirror, just start somewhere. The reminders on your phone work really well. You can set reminders based on your location or at specific times – or both.
Start with something and keep at it for 21 days. Once you don’t need to remind yourself anymore, the you can drop the reminders.
3. Take some time for reflection
At a time that suits you, for example on the weekend, take some time to reflect the choices you made that week.
I suggest somewhere around 30-60 minutes for this, but even just 15 minutes of reflection will do.
Here’s where your journal will come in handy, but you can also look at your calendar or just try to remember the things you did each day.
Have a list of your goals handy and compare your daily activities to your goals. By this point you already know what question you need to ask.
Make adjustment to your coming activities next week if necessary or find ways to do more of what you are doing now if everything is working for you.
Conclusion
If you want change your life (or even if you want more of the same), the most important question to ask yourself is “is this working?”.
This is the only thing that matters. Not who is “right” or who is “wrong”, but trying things out for yourself and figuring out what works for you.
There is no universal right or wrong.
We are all unique and there is no one size fits all strategy. Yet we have an inbuilt need to be right, or even more so prove the others wrong. It brings satisfaction to your ego to prove another person wrong, but growth wise it will lead nowhere.
To apply the question to your daily life:
- Get clear on your goals. What do you want your life to look like? You can read more about goal setting here
- Assess your current situation. Write down what you are doing now in each of the areas where you have goals.
- Reflect your current situations vs. Your goals and ask yourself: Is this working? Is what I am doing now getting me any closer to my goals?
If the answer is yes, keep doing what you’re doing.
If the answer is no, change what you are doing.
Things you can do to create a habit out of asking yourself “is this working?”:
1. Journal
I suggest you do this every day for 21 days. That’s how long it usually takes to form a new habit. But journaling just one or two times a week will help too.
2. Set reminders
Write down the question “is this working?” On everything. Everywhere you go, make sure you see the question. That way you will be reminded to adjust your thoughts and actions throughout the day.
3. Take some time for reflection
At a time that suits you, for example on the weekend, take some time to reflect the choices you made that week.
Disclaimer
The entire contents of this blog are based upon the opinions of the author. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The information in this blog is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your health care professional before trying any of the products or methods based on this content. I cannot guarantee that you will be free of stress, anxiety or depression, or that you will be happy. I simply want to share with you what I have discovered during my twenty years of seeking happiness and what has worked for me may not work for you.
