7 Superior Mindsets for a Happier Life
True happiness is found on the inside.
This is the point of Happiness On Demand. You are happy, unless you start believing that there’s something you need in order to be happy and as you start to pursue happiness, you make yourself unhappy.
Even so, happiness is always there, for it is the very essence of your being. You can learn to tap in to this happiness at will, anytime, anywhere.
Today, let’s concentrate on the things that make you unhappy. Things that might block your happiness.
When you understand these things, it’s much easier for you to shift your focus and concentrate on the positive. You have to see the dirt in order to be able to clean it up.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common “dirt” and follow up with some methods to “clean it up”. Here are 7 mindsets for a happier life.
1. Stop Believing What Others Tell You
The first thing to understand, is that if you want to be happy, you should stop believing what others tell you. Although they may have (what they think are) your best interests in mind, the truth is no one knows yourself better than you.
Therefore you should start living in a way you want and do things that make you happy. If you just do what others tell you should do, you may not find meaning and purpose and will be more prone to anxiety and depression.
I know the usual counterargument is: “If you put yourself first, then what about others? Shouldn’t you care about anyone else?”
This is caused by our obsessive need to have only one right choice, thus making the other choices wrong. It’s a good lesson to learn that “right” and “wrong” are subjective, based on what you say you want to achieve.
If you want to go swimming, it’s “wrong” to head to the desert. But if you want to enjoy some peace and quiet, it’s “right” to go to the woods and “wrong” to go into the city. As it is with these examples, so it is with everything in life.
My advise to you is, that both of these arguments can be right at the same time. You can start living in a way you want AND care about everyone else. If you make choices for your life from a place of love, joy and peace, what you choose to be good for yourself automatically become choices that are good for others too.
You are a gift to everyone’s life you touch, in a way that may not be apparent at the moment. Seek, therefore, to be the gift others are looking for in you. Be the best version of yourself and, in doing so, start being an even bigger gift to others.
2. Drop Society's expectations
What others tell you includes the teachings of our society as well. Everything we have created as a society is about accepting the truths of others and serving those truths. These are expectations set to you by our society. How society expects you to perform, behave and think.
It is what you have learned and come to accept as truth, but it goes against who you really are – a being whose desire is to conceive and create who you want to be. You wish to realise this inner vision of you, but most of the things you have learned to think, say and do contradict this vision – thus you become anxious, sad and depressed.
Here’s an example: When I was young, I wanted to be a musician. I played guitar and took every music class there was at school. Despite this, very few people around me cheered me on to pursue my dream.
I was told things like “you know, you’re not going to make much money as a musician” and “you should consider a good career to be able to build a good life”.
My friends and most teachers at school made me convinced that life is more about making money than following my dreams.
So (after some bumps in the road) I finally became a salesman, but despite making good money and having fulfilled the society’s expectations, I one day remembered that it was not what I wanted to do in life. I wasn’t happy.
This is a very short version of my story, but it sums up the way we learn to think that we need to fulfil the expectations set upon us by society. Otherwise we won’t be happy.
We fear that we won’t be happy and start looking for happiness in all the wrong places. It is fear that keeps us from doing things that we feel are important and meaningful to us – fear of missing out, fear of judgement, fear of losing something.
3. Stop caring what anyone thinks of you
Speaking of fears, one of the most common fears we have in life, is that other people might ridicule us or dislike us if we do anything “out of the ordinary”. If we don’t do what others do, we fear we might become outcasts.
It’s beneficial to know that this is normal human behaviour. We have an inbuilt need for acceptance. After all, back when humanity was in its infancy and used to live in tribes, being accepted as part of the tribe was necessary for survival.
Imagine being left alone to fight a lion; not very high chances of survival. This primitive survival instinct is still written in our genes.
Wouldn’t you say it’s no longer necessary in the modern world? The fear might be there, but it is no longer beneficial for your survival. You won’t be hunted down by a lion if you are not accepted in one group.
More importantly, there are over 7 billion of us on this planet today and most of us are connected via electronic devices. In the modern age, it’s very easy to find a “tribe” where you fit right in.
So mostly this fear is a remnant of different times and has no use today. Most of the time it’s not even real. We think we might be laughed at or left out, but often that is not what happens.
4. It's Okay To Fail
Failure is not an option. Except when it is. Which is 99% of the time.
This may be one of the toughest lessons to learn, since we have learned to see failure as an embarrassment, something that makes us flawed. “I failed, therefore I’m not good enough”.
We might also have developed a poor self-esteem, so we seek the approval of others, making the fear of failure a tough hurdle to overcome.
In truth, just as there are no objective right and wrong, there is no failure. We only fail if we fail to learn anything from our mistakes.
Some of the more successful people often say, that the reason they are successful is because through many “wrong” choices they learned to make the “right” choices.
Start seeing failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. Just as a young child learning to walk fails over and over again until finally they learn to make the right moves and start walking.
Failure is just that: an opportunity to learn and to grow. Which brings us neatly to the next point
5. You miss a 100% of the shots you don’t take
This, to my understanding, originates from fighter pilots, but there’s great wisdom in it for your life as well. If you fear failure and never even try, that’s a missed opportunity right there. One of the most common regrets of old people are the chances they didn’t take.
Think about your life. When you are old, what are the things you wish you would have done? What are the choices you would like to make, but are too afraid or come up with excuses?
The older you get, the more likely you are to regret not making the most out of life and living it the way you wanted. There are many fears that keep us from living to the fullest of our potential, but don’t worry, at the end of this blogpost we’ll take a look at methods to help you release your fear.
6. Life is all about the experiences you have
Continuing from the previous point, things we wish we had done, but didn’t do, are among the biggest regrets we have when we grow old.
No amount of money or material possessions will ever bring you back the time you lost. One of the keys to a happier life is to realise this while you’re still young.
You’ve heard that the real value is in the journey, not the destination. Well, if you consider that the final destination of your life is death, then this makes all the more sense.
At the end of your days, what you are left with, are your experiences. You remember the good times you had, not the amount of shoes you bought.
But even if you subdivide life to different goals you had in mind, even then it’s more about the process than the end result. Once you reach your goal, you are not complete. You may celebrate and enjoy the moment, but before long you start to wonder: “what’s next?”. We are never complete, ever.
Life itself is a process of ongoing creation and even if life seems similar from day to day it’s never the same as yesterday. As a moment starts, it also starts to end. Therefore, it’s advisable to learn to enjoy every moment. Celebrate the process, since that’s all there really is.
7. Let Go Of Fear
At this point, you may have noticed the common denominator among all of the previous points. It’s of course fear
If you want to live a happy life, you must learn to let go of fear.
- Fear of being left out
- Fear of not fulfilling expectations (of others or society)
- Fear of failure
- Fear of not being happy
Some may fear death so much that they are afraid to live. Others might even fear life itself, for the reason that “you never know what tomorrow brings”.
Fear itself is a normal human emotion and beneficial for survival. After all, if we were afraid of nothing, we might any moment jump from the top of a building or run into the traffic on motorway.
We need fear to survive, but we do not have to be afraid of everything all the time. Most of our fears are irrational, made up by our own mind.
Here are some tips to let go of fear and start living your life the way you want.
Tip #1: Tapping / EFT
I know I recommend this a lot, but there’s a good reason for that. Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is one of the quickest and easiest methods for lowering your stress. It works wonders on other things too, like letting go of your fears.
Tapping is based on the combined principles of ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology. It is as simple as focusing on a negative emotion and using your fingertips to tap on 9 points of the body a few times.
Tapping sends signal to your brain, letting it know it’s safe to relax. It is proven to lower cortisol, the stress hormone of your body in as little as 9 minutes.
I wholeheartedly suggest you try tapping. It’s easy, fun and free (some content is behind a pay wall, but you can learn all you need for free). My go-to instructor is Nick Ortner with The Tapping Solution.
Tip #2: You control your feelings
You have, at best, very limited control over what others are thinking, saying or doing. But you can always choose how you react.
Being mindful of your thoughts and feelings lets you control what you think, say and do. Choose your response consciously. If you want to learn how to be mindful and control your thoughts and feelings more, check out my tips here
Tip #3: Accept What Is
When you dig deeper into your true self, by meditating, practicing awareness (mindfulness), or any other method (like lucid dreaming for example), you will start to see the perfection of everything.
Another way of putting it is: Everything happens for a reason.
If you remember my short story about society’s expectations, it’s important to realise that even though I didn’t learn to pursue my dreams, everything that happened created the perfect circumstances for me to become who I am now.
Right now, it’s easy for me to see how every event in my life has led to this moment, where I am writing this blogpost to you, and I can now use those moments as examples of how life unfolds.
There is an opportunity in every moment to decide who and what you want to be. Even though it may be hard to see at the moment, try to remember that what happens is not actually happening to you, but for you. This new perspective will release you from most of your fears.
If you are not yet at this place of understanding, it might be hard to see the perfection in the moments you experience something unpleasant.
Don’t worry, it’s completely normal and ok. Start small and try to expand your perspective just a little bit. Here’s a good collection of books to start with (no affiliation).
Tip #4: Make Personal Growth A Habit
Learn something new every day. After some time you will notice that you are doing things you were previously afraid of doing.
Practice looking back and seeing how far you’ve come:
Think about your life five years ago. How was it? What were you doing? How did you feel? How did you react to different situations? What opinions did you have?
You may notice that you are thinking and acting differently now than how you were five years ago. You have changed, perhaps more in one area of your life than others, but changed nonetheless.
It’s hard to see the change in the moment, but looking back at your life some years ago will make it easier to realise that you do indeed change, and the choices you make every moment contribute to the total sum of change that happens.
“As I review the events of my past life I realise how subtle are the influences that shape our destinies.”
– Nikola Tesla
Tip #5: You do not need the approval of others
If you can stop thinking that you need someone else’s approval for whatever you want to do, you will have great freedom in your life.
You want to live your life, not someone else’s life. Do what you want instead of what others say you should do. I can guarantee this will make you happier.
It is one of those ideas that is obvious to us, yet we are afraid to take that leap of faith.
Start small. Do a thing you want to do, but were previously too afraid to do for the fear of what others might think of you. You may notice, that other people are not that interested in what you do. They are more concerned with their own life and their own choices than yours.
Some may even openly state their support if you say that you want to pursue your dreams.
Use the experience you get from this small experiment to rid yourself of fear. Start going after bigger and bigger dreams.
As I stated in the beginning of this post, putting your life, what you want, first, does not mean neglecting the needs of those that are important to you.
You can start living in a way you want and care about everyone else as well. If you make choices for your life from a place of love, joy and peace, what you choose to be good for yourself automatically become choices that are good for others too.
Conclusion
Your happiness is found on the inside. You are happy unless you make yourself unhappy.
Stop believing what others tell you. No one knows yourself better than you. Start living in a way you want and do things that make you happy.
Drop society’s expectations. These are beliefs we pick up from others, including our teachers, friends and parents, but they may not reflect who we want to be and what we want to do.
Stop caring what others think of you. We have an inbuilt need for acceptance, but it is no longer beneficial for your survival.
It’s okay to fail. We only fail if we fail to learn anything from our mistakes. Start seeing failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.
You miss a 100% of the shots you don’t take. The older you get, the more likely you are to regret not making the most out of life and living it the way you wanted
Life is all about the experiences you have. At the end of your days, what you are left with, are your experiences. You remember the good times you had, not the amount of shoes you bought.
Let go of fear:
1. Tapping
Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is one of the quickest and easiest methods for lowering your stress. It works wonders on other things too, like letting go of your fears.
2. You control your feelings.
You have, at best, very limited control over what others are thinking, saying or doing. But you can always choose how you react.
3. Accept what is
Everything happens for a reason. There is an opportunity in every moment to decide who and what you want to be.
4. Make transformation a habit.
Learn something new every day. After some time you will notice that you are doing things you were previously afraid of doing.
5. You do not need the approval of others
If you can stop thinking that you need someone else’s approval for whatever you want to do, you will have great freedom in your life.
Disclaimer
The entire contents of this blog are based upon the opinions of the author. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The information in this blog is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your health care professional before trying any of the products or methods based on this content. I cannot guarantee that you will be free of stress, anxiety or depression, or that you will be happy. I simply want to share with you what I have discovered during my twenty years of seeking happiness and what has worked for me may not work for you.
